this is where i come to cry.


Ho il pane, ma non i denti.

March 11, 2017

Today is the 11th of March of 2017. It’s Saturday, the only day of the week that is able to give me some joy, as I have the entire evening to dedicate to what I love doing most, or at least what I thought I loved doing most.

Ripple is the single biggest project I’ve ever had the honour to co-found, and it has given me a lot of recognition and respect in the osu! community. But, exactly at this point in time, where Ripple had basically become the hobby of a life, and I contribute every day to make Ripple better, one step at the time, I start to question myself: is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life?

There’s a very nice Italian expression for this “Chi ha pane non ha denti”: “Who has bread has no teeth.”

Exactly when my hobby tiny little sideproject has made me happy as an individual, I start to question if I should really be spending my evenings writing code. Programming to ideate solutions is starting to be a burden, a boring thing, for sure not something I would like to do for my lifetime. Sure, it’s now knowledge that is deep into my brain, and has helped me in a number of occasions.

For instance, I know how to troubleshoot and to try to find a solution by myself, without having to rely on the help of anyone else. I rarely ask anyone apart myself on how to deal with a problem, and if I can’t figure it out I break it down, I try to see what could not be working, I go into the details as much as possible tirelessly. But now that I mastered how to do it, it’s just routine: nothing exciting in doing it.

Basically, it comes down to a few questions: should I keep doing this? How should I find the motivation again for doing this? If I should move on, where should I go?

Should I detach from the circle of friends I worked hard to get into or to build around myself? Is it time for a change?

I think I’m gonna start fixing problems in Ripple, until it’s just features I need to add, then I will see if I really want to continue to do this.

© Morgan Bazalgette 2015-2017